Well, I started out this “evacuation” from Japan like a strong soiled pro who had no worries saying good-bye to the scarest events in my life & all her household goods (mostly because I have a baby now) & packing my two bags & headed home to “safety”.
Week 1 was all shock & adjusting… opposite side of the clock a day before to a day behind with daylight savings… needless to say we were exhausted & all out of sorts. And I’ll admit… feeling like a traitor to the Japanese.
Week 2 was all about denial & remorse. I started to doubt my heart & my decision since so many stayed behind. “Was I really being irrational & jumping to conclusions? Did I let fear run me away?” I spent a lot of time begging to go “home” to Japan this week…
Week 3 began with a big “BOOM” & a flood of tears… again. It has suddenly hit me that I am indeed back in Arkansas, alone with a toddler, missing daddy, & starting over from scartch while living amongst many who will never ever know the experience of “fleeing for your life”… leaving everything you know & own, & starting over from scracth while you life goes on “pause” on more time. Now rumors flying that we military families are racking in millions of tax payers money & getting rich! LOL! Really… name me one military person who got rich from his service?
I have tried to take control of my current situation by getting me a simple little trac phone from Wal-Mart ($45 a month unlimited calls, texts & internet…can’t beat it when you don’t know what you are doing next!). I have gotten a post office box just so I can get mail again… little things that add to “normal” again.
Though I know the decision we made for our family, & I have been house hunting, it just suddenly swept over me… $100 here, $200 there… another $100 over here… I am having to slowly replace my whole life with a very upset, distraught, suddenly insecure toddler on my hip! I have two weeks to figure out my car “situation” & panic has finally set in.
It is all so confusing when “they” tell us military families that “there is no immediate health risks”. Right… no IMMEDIATE health risks… but what are the long term risks? How are you able to judge that when you have no idea the true severity of the entire situation?
Yesterday, they announced a crack in the base of the reactor was leaking radiation into the ocean… Umm… DUH! I am not a genius or an expert, but I was thinking that back when they said they couldn’t account for the water loss after the second tsunami… you know the one that set the “blasts” in action a couple of days after the first tsunami.
I have to keep reminding myself of the history of Chernobyl. Correct, this was not the same. One it was a natural disaster… Chernobyl was a man-made blunter. Secondly… Chernobyl blew up so everyone was very clear as to the situation on hand… Japan has been “leaking” & nothing has been clear except a lot of “unknowns”.
However, 40 years later & the experts are just now really getting a bigger picture of how far & how many generations that one event has effects lives. It was not contained to one area… between the atmosphere, the water supply, & the soil… the radiation spread as far as Poland & Norway… effecting many many lives. From “low levels” of radiation, many in the bordering countries of Ukraine have experienced birth defects, sterility, extreme pre-mature births, no hereditary cancers, etc. It is in this that I find renewed faith in our decision to stay stateside with our small toddler son.
Rest assured, the Japanese people will come back from all this faster, stronger, & smarter than any other country may have. I am absolutely confident that they are working around the clock to solve & clean up this event. There is no doubt in my mind that they are going above & beyond all measures to save their great population. I am amazed with the Japanese at their strength & courage. They are truly an example to us all.
Though I waller in self-pity & dispare this week… my heart & prayers still go out to Japan. I miss my home & its people!
GENEALOGY NOTE: I find myself looking over my situation & wondering how many of my ancestors fled for their lives? How many, fleeing or not, left everything they knew & owned except a bag to reach a better tomorrow? When they left, did they grab the family photos (because I didn’t)? Did they think they would return one day or did they know what they were facing when they made the decision to leave? Why did they leave?
I have a link that connects me forever now maybe with a few of my ancestors. I can’t wait to make those connections on paper!